All Business is Personal: Developing (not so obvious) Core Leadership Skills

Written By Mary Ann Cottle

Written by Angela Bryan, CMHC

All business is personal. We bring who we are to work. At the same time, work impacts who we are. Wearing a “professional” mask often seems to necessitate hiding our personal thoughts and feelings and ignoring the warning signs of stress on our bodies and mental health. With recent insights from neuroscience, the definition of “being professional” can shift from showing up as competent no matter the cost, to developing a mindset that encourages us to show up at work in an authentic, highly effective, and sustainable way. In this four-part series, Shore Coaching highlights four essential, while not-so-common, leadership skills that will help you become a more impactful leader and attuned person who brings all of who you are to work.

Part 1 - Gratitude: Creating Positive Brain Loops in Myself and Others

Purposefully attending to good things that we are grateful for activates a region in the medial prefrontal cortex of the brain that controls our ability to understand other people’s perspectives, experience empathy, process complex thoughts, and regulate and release stressful emotions. So, if we want to perform at high levels, come up with solutions to complex problems, stay calm under pressure, be creative, and forge innovative ideas, being thankful will allow us access to those abilities.

Even better, the authentic state of feeling thankful and grounded will not only improve my functioning; it will also impact the state of those around me and enable them to gain access to those brain functions in themselves. My focus on gratitude can create a positive feedback loop in my workplace by impacting others in a way that nurtures a healthier environment for my brain and body, as well as theirs.

Our brains are plastic – they change in response to our experiences. A daily practice of thankfulness will “wire” connections in my brain that encourage more positivity – regardless of circumstances – and enable me to think more clearly, gain insight into others’ behaviors, and solve problems creatively. And don’t forget: our brains are connected to our bodies! Over time, thankfulness can even relieve physical symptoms such as headaches, chronic pain, and low immune systems.

This is not to say that we should “think happy thoughts” and deny hard realities. Instead, for a few moments each day, practice gratitude by focusing on something good, as small and as insignificant as it may seem. Notice how it will help you calm your thoughts and emotions, gain composure, and connect to others in meaningful ways. A daily routine of gratitude will increase satisfaction with your life and boost your resilience to stress. Here are some suggestions for how to get started.

  1. Create a routine by starting small: Match your gratitude practice to something you already do regularly. While brushing your teeth or drinking your first cup of coffee, list 5 things that you can be grateful for. Say them out loud, write them down, and place those reminders where you can see them.

  2. Give honest thanks to change dynamics: We use the word “thanks” all the time, and it can become white noise and meaningless. Pause and think about what you actually are thankful for concerning that person you work with, as small as it may be, and say it; say it now, not next week, or eventually, especially to those colleagues who rub you the wrong way or who push your buttons. Shift your focus to the positive so you gain access to new abilities and insights in navigating those relationships.

  3. Thank those in your organization who are overlooked: Thank those who do thankless work. It fosters your skill of empathy and fosters their ability to grow. It sets a tone all around and connects people, which creates community.

  4. Model gratitude - don’t demand it: Forcing people to be grateful does not work. Telling your team member not to complain and instead be thankful will put a wall of resentment between you and your supervisee, destroying connection, which will cause you to lose influence and lay the ground conditions for conflict. Instead, practice and model honest gratefulness. It will increase your ability to attune to your employees; it will give them a voice and be understood, opening them up to hear your feedback and constructive criticism. That connection and feeling of value that your gratitude assigns to them will much more likely motivate them to change and grow.

  5. Gratitude can offset crisis: Practicing gratitude will make you more resilient to stress, help you see beyond disasters, and recognize gains. It can open up your perspective-taking skills, analytical thinking, and big-picture vision, which can transform an obstacle into an opportunity. Start crisis team (and family) meetings with moments of gathering what is good to bring calm, grounding, and clear thinking online so that your team can do its best problem-solving.

There is no better time to start the habit of thankfulness than the holiday season, and there is no better time to start a good thing than now. Online, you can find countless suggestions on how to start growing a thankful mindset. Here are some of our favorites:

Wishing you a holiday season full of thanksgiving, 

Your Shore Coaching Team

Mary Ann Cottle
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