The Goal Isn’t the Goal

Written by Dr. Holly Ward, PhD

Reframe resolutions for more presence this year.

I love to run. I love setting goals to push myself, training for increasingly longer distances. While theoretically speaking I could pop out of bed any old day and run a marathon, without spending the proper time training for that distance, it would be challenging to say the least: I would not have developed the muscles, breathing, and pacing that is developed through daily practice. But what’s more is I would have missed out on all the running experiences that I have come to truly enjoy.  

I actually like how running feels. I like the steady breathing. I like hearing my feet lightly pound the ground. I appreciate the new sights to see, and the familiarity of routine paths. I like the energy of accomplishment felt at the end. My enjoyment of running has developed from the many varied experiences of running I’ve had over the years. And while those experiences all build on one another and make it possible for me to reach my next goal distance, it is the daily practice I have learned to appreciate most rather than the benchmarks I’ve beat.

I think about this appreciation of the process in daily life, too. Too often we get caught up in working for an end result without enjoying, or even noticing, the incremental growth and learning that occurs on our way to that result. At the start of this new year, like many other resolution-makers, I’ve set new goals for myself—but with a renewed focus on embracing the daily journey toward accomplishing those goals. I’m prioritizing the moment-to-moment experiences, the sound of my own breath, and the feeling of my feet beneath me, lightly pounding the pavement as I undertake each new challenge.

Can I enjoy the process in striving for all my goals as I have learned to enjoy my daily runs?

These are my resolutions this year:

1. I will ask better questions and commit to being a better listener. 
   I want to make my daily communication more meaningful. How can I do that? My first step is to be a better listener. As I spend time every day listening to my clients, I want to practice listening more carefully, making sure I am giving them space to say more and that I am truly hearing what is said. 

2. I will see things more intentionally. 
   To see things more clearly, I need to slow down and look carefully at the big picture and at the details. I need to stop and look at things that are not easy to see. To practice seeing things intentionally and from different perspectives, I enjoy taking pictures—with a real camera, with a real lens. It helps me to see things that I might miss if I only look through one lens, and reminds me that we all see things through a different lens. 

3. I will give myself and others more grace. 
   My inner judge is strong. She’s been loudly criticizing me for years and it is time to dial down her volume and dial up the grace I have for myself. Nobody deserves the negative talk my judge can attack me with—not me nor anybody else. By giving myself and others grace, I can celebrate the good in me, see myself in a positive light, and realize that I am wonderfully made.

4. I will laugh more!
   There are too many things that are funny that I just walk right past. Too often I miss the chance to laugh because I am looking down the road instead of noticing the gift of the present moment—and it can be such a funny gift! Bonus: laughter can keep you healthy according to the Mayo Clinic. Research has found both short- and long-term benefits: laughter can increase oxygen to the heart, lungs, and muscles, increase the endorphins that are released by your brain, improve your mood, and reduce physical pain. Sounds like laughter should be part of every runner’s training!

5. I will enjoy the process.
   The process might even be better than the end result! I recently heard Josh Brooks, the Athletic Director for the University of Georgia, give a talk about athletics. He was asked why Coach Kirby Smart, the head football coach at UGA, is so successful. His response: “He focuses on the process. He doesn’t worry about the end result. He is hyper-focused on the process and makes sure his teams gets better every day. The process takes care of the results.” I am not competing to win football games, but I can take this same approach to life and see the unexpected rewards that come from focusing on the process instead of the result.

As you reflect on the resolutions and goals you have for 2023, are there ways you can incorporate a more process-focused approach into how you will achieve them? What do the daily steps look like that will bring you closer to meeting your goals? What would happen if you got really intentional about learning to love those daily acts? What if that became the goal instead, to love the practice? I look forward to what will shift for me this year as I strive for my goals and learn to love the process of achieving each of them, and I hope you find joy in the daily practices you take on, too. Cheers to the rest of this new year!